Note: I am sorry if there are so many werewolf/vampire stories on here, but I always wanted to try my hand at writing one. All critiques are welcome and appreciated. I hope to continue this one so, look out for more. Thanks for reading!
Eternal Sunrise
By Angel of Death
Chapter 1
Sleep wouldn't come. It played with my eyes, making them open and close at random. I looked over at my clock, hoping it would be midnight but it was only 10:30.Like before mentioned, this is very awkward, change it. Groaning, I sat up and ran my hands through my hair. A cool breeze drifted into my room, making my eyebrows furrow. I could remember coming upstairs and laying down in my bed, but I couldn't recall opening the window. I stood up. The sound of springs coiling, was attuned with the creak of the floorboards as I tip-toed across the room. It was dark outside and everything was illuminated by the dying lights of the street lamps. The sky was a deep purple and the stars were appearing one by one. In the distance, I could hear owls hooting and crickets chirping. I loved this time of night. Especially since I knew Leo was seeing the same sky I did. He was supposed to be coming home tonight. I had waited up for him, but I couldn't fight the urge to slip into dreamland. It was 9:30 when Chandler, my over-protective brother, told me to go to bed. I usually didn't listen to him but he assured me he'd wake me up when Leo arrived. Closing the window, I inhaled the last few breaths of night that sifted in. It smelled of a dying shower and blooming flowers. Sighing, I turned back to my bed, only to have my heart stop. All at once, tears formed in my eyes and a smile pulled my lips up at the corner. A huge form was stretched across my twin-sized bed. By the way the moonlight devoured the porcelain face, I was able to see electrifying green eyes and full pink lips.Good description The mass of yellow curls that fell around my pillow reminded me of the rays of the sun at the beginning of dawn. Before I could fly into his arms , Leo was beside me, pulling me close. I took in the minty scent of his skin, and the warmth his body emitted. It felt right being in his arms. We were a perfect match. Our bodies fit together like yinIs it not ying and yang? and yang.
His lips slid down the side of my face. My forehead, my cheeks, my nose, the contours of my jaw and finally my lips. I could feel the anxiousness in his kiss. It tasted like so many kisses before this one, but it was filled with so much more duress and coercion.Good word choice. I savored it, not wanting to resurface. Moans resonated in his throat, and then he let go of me. My lungs felt as though they were empty of air. I breathed in and out heavily, my heart beating out of control.
"I should leave more often," he whispered, chuckling.
"Don't," I sighed.
With one quick movement, he had me in his arms and then he agilely leaped over to the bed and sat us down. Nestled in his chest, I thought back to all the days I've lived without his touch. It could've been a day, a week, or maybe even a year. I couldn't know exactly, but I did know that it felt like eternity. Everything had lost meaning once he set off on his voyage North. No one would tell me what he was leaving for. They would get quiet if I walked in on one of their conversations or tell me that everything was going to be okay. But I could see in their eyes that some of them were in the dark as much as I was. Night after night, I sat up in bed worrying about him. The tears were still embedded in my pillow. They were the only thing that kept me company. Chandler tried getting me to leave the house and get some sunlight, but his attempts were all in vain. I knew that he only wanted me out of the house, because he was tired of seeing me weep over Leo. He hated the idea of us going together. I'm sure there was some part of him that cared for me, but the other part, didn't want to have anything to do with me. I wasn't a werewolf like he and father wasWere not was. I didn't carry the gene. Me knowing of their existence was against every law that our forefathers set. If he wanted to, Chandler could kill me. He possessed enough rage and righteousness to do it. Shivering, I pushed the thought out of my head and looked up at Leo. His eyes were distant, as if they were somewhere else. Somehow, he looked different, older. There were frown lines dancing around his lips, and bags resting above his cheeks. He mirrored the pain that had stayed with me during his absence.
"It feels nice to be home," he said, meeting my gaze. His eyes were a pair of flaming black coal.
"How...come...you're home early?" I managed, breathlessly, before he stole another kiss off of my lips. His breath made fiery trails down my neck and then he planted his lips at the hollow of my throat.
"Did you want me to stay away?" he asked, seductively. A smile was stretching across his face, making my heart sink. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I couldn't believe I've lived without it.
"No. To tell you the truth, another two hours would've killed me."
"I think it would've killed me more than it would've killed you."
"Are you willing to bet on that, Leonardo Hastings?"
"I am, if you're willing to lose."
I laughed, remembering how competitive he was. For a while, I stopped playing games because he always won. A moment of silence passed between us. I could hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. One. Two. Three.
"Wanna go for a run?" he asked. The night was still young and as long as we were together, I couldn't say no. Securing me in his arms, he flew over to the window and pushed it up. And then we were outside, flying through the cool night air. The moon sheathed him in its ivory splendor and soon his tall form morphed into a four-legged creature with golden brown fur. He was beautiful. As I wrapped my arms around his neck, I couldn't help but wonder what I'd look like if I were a werewolf. Maybe I'd have black fur that matched the color of my hair. I'd have a lean figure with piercing blue eyes. We'd be able to go on voyages together and I'd always be at his side. Burying my cheek in his back, I let the tears that had haunted me for so long, pour out of my eyes once more.
It felt like we were running for hours. Leo had taken me into the forest before, but he cautioned me to not venture beyond a certain point. Now, the trees that looked like skyscrapers were disappearing. I could see acres and acres of purple land. The sky looked as if it stretched out into forever, wherever that was. Dancing hand in hand with the stars were lightning bugs. Everything looked like something out of a Van Gogh painting. It was beautiful. We came to a stop at the bottom of a hill, near a lake. A blanket was laid out next to two candles and a basket. As I carefully got of Leo's back, he transformed. The only downfall about being a werewolf, was that your clothes always got destroyed. But, I've always felt that clothes were overrated, especially on a creature as beautiful as Leo. His arm muscles flexed as he moved towards me, that angelic smile wiping away the tears that dried up on my face. He picked me up, and then we were lying down on the blanket, staring up at the stars. I could feel him watching me. His gaze caressing every piece of my body.
"So, about that bet?" I said, looking over at him.
"Hmm?" he asked, seeming to be lost in thought.
"The bet." I repeated, turning over so that I could prop myself up on my elbows.
"You must be willing to lose," he smirked.
Suddenly, his hand was under my chin. I looked at him, watching as his face moved closer to mine. I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead, his lips moved towards my ear.
"Each day I've lived without you near me, was like hell. I would have killed to see your smile or to hear your voice. You're like the blood in my veins. Without you, I am dead." he whispered. My heart stopped. Though I felt the same was as he did, there was no way I'd be able to word it better. His words were lined with passion and truth, so I knew that he wasn't just saying them to win.
"You love me." I said, softly.
"More than you'll ever know." he said, and then he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me
Plot
It was a bit cliched, and if I'm being brutally honest I found it rather boring, but that's just personally. Other people might have liked it though. On the plus side, it was well written 
Charachterization
Could be improved upon but it was ok.
Grammar
Your grammar is impeccable. Well done, one of the best pieces grammar-wise that I have seen on here
Overall
I loved your word choice in parts. The plot was a bit cliched but it was ok. Some of the description was great. Keep it up. Add a tad more imagery. But all in all, it was good. Well done
-Kirsten xxx
Points: 890
Reviews: 273
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